Meaning
Keeping a romantic prospect in reserve by maintaining just enough sporadic contact to keep them interested, while never committing to dates or a relationship, so other options can be pursued. Borrowed from sports, where benched players wait as substitutes. A common term in online dating discussion. Informal and negative, implying manipulative indecision; almost always describes someone else's behaviour. Regional use: General English; strongest in online dating contexts.
Origin
The dating sense was popularised by Jason Chen in the June 2016 New York Magazine piece 'Benching Is the New Ghosting' on the site's Beta Male vertical, which framed it as the modern incarnation of leading someone on, amplified by dating apps offering endless alternatives. Chen's article is the generally cited origin point for the term going mainstream, though the sports metaphor meant the underlying word was available for earlier ad hoc use that is not well documented. Coverage at Mic and elsewhere explicitly credits Chen with the term. The word then joined the cluster of 2016-2017 dating slang, including breadcrumbing, cushioning, and orbiting, that newspapers rolled out in trend pieces. The prompt's suggestion of a 2015-2016 New York Times origin for benching specifically is not supported; the documented source is New York Magazine in 2016.
Research Sources
References used to check this entry’s meaning, history, or documented forms.
Variants
- bench
- benched
- on the bench
- to bench someone
Usage Examples
- He realised he was benched when she replied to every third story but never accepted a single plan.
- Benching two people at once seemed efficient to him until both stopped answering.
- Rather than bench her politely, he told her outright that he was seeing someone else.