Meaning
To be the dominant or decision-making partner in a household or relationship: 'everyone knows who wears the trousers in that marriage'. Historically applied especially (and often teasingly) to a wife controlling a husband, though now used of either partner; the standard British form, with 'wear the pants' the US equivalent. Informal and wry, often gently teasing; can sound dated or gendered in modern usage. Regional use: British English (US: wear the pants).
Origin
The metaphor is transparent: in an era when trousers or breeches were men's garments, the partner who figuratively 'wore the trousers' held the male-coded authority in the house. The idea is centuries older than the current wording: 'to wear the breeches', defined by the OED as '(of a woman) to be the dominant partner in a marriage, domestic partnership, etc.', has its earliest citation in John Heywood's Proverbs (1546), 'All women be suche, Thoughe the man bere the breeche, They wyll be ever checkemate' - a dating also recorded in Apperson's English Proverbs and Proverbial Phrases. As fashions changed, 'breeches' gave way to 'trousers' (the usual British word) and 'pants' (American); Etymonline dates 'to wear the pants', 'be the dominant member of a household', to by 1931, noting it is also used with 'trousers'. That printed dating may be conservative given the proverb's age, but no earlier secure citation for the trouser-worded form was verified in this research.
Research Sources
References used to check this entry’s meaning, history, or documented forms.
Variants
- Wear the breeches
- Wear the pants
- Wear the pants in the family
- Who wears the trousers?
Usage Examples
- On paper he chairs the board, but everyone knows his sister wears the trousers at the firm.
- His friends teased him gently about who wore the trousers after Zoe vetoed the fishing trip.
- Grandmother wore the trousers in that household for sixty years, and grandfather cheerfully admitted it.