Meaning
To defeat, exhaust, or simply overwhelm someone through relentless generosity or indulgence - plying a rival or guest with so much food, praise, attention, or accommodation that they capitulate or suffer, all without a single unkind word being spoken. Usually playful or ironic rather than hostile; it implies the kindness is excessive or misjudged, not malicious, so it suits comedy better than serious harm. Regional use: General English (Shakespearean allusion).
Origin
Contrary to Shakespeare-coined claims, the saying predates him: it was a proverb by the mid-1500s in the longer form 'kill with kindness as fond apes do their young', an image of a doting ape crushing its offspring in an over-tight hug, recorded in the American Heritage Dictionary of Idioms. Shakespeare gave the idea its most famous staging in The Taming of the Shrew, Act 4 Scene 1, where Petruchio closes his taming soliloquy: 'This is a way to kill a wife with kindness' - he plans to deny Katharina food and sleep while protesting that it is all loving care. Thomas Heywood's tragedy A Woman Killed with Kindness, first performed in 1603 and published in 1607, shows how current the paradox was in the same era, and Byron's letters of 1815 joke 'Don't let them kill you with claret and kindness', by which time it was already a cliche. The modern sense - beating someone by over-indulging them - descends directly from the proverb, not only from Shakespeare.
Research Sources
References used to check this entry’s meaning, history, or documented forms.
Variants
- kill someone with kindness
- kill with kindness
- killing them with kindness
Usage Examples
- When our rivals visited, we killed them with kindness - a five-course lunch, gift bags, and a three-hour tour that left no time for their sales pitch.
- Gran is killing us with kindness this Christmas; she has already made four puddings and keeps piling our plates whether we want more or not.
- The hotel kills its guests with kindness, offering turndown treats, refills before you ask, and so many towels you can hardly reach the bed.